When I Can’t Hear Myself: A Deaf Experience of Voice Control

When I wear my cochlear implant, I can hear my own voice. I can tell when I’m being too loud or too soft. I can adjust my tone, my pitch, my presence. Sound gives me control not just over what I hear, but over how I speak.

But without the device, everything changes.

On rainy days, during thunder, or when my implant is charging or late at night when I take it of I'm surrounded by silence. And in those moments, when I speak, I truly can’t hear myself.

I speak what feels “normal” to me.

But then someone suddenly tells me,

“Lower your voice.”

And I freeze.

Sometimes it’s my parents. Sometimes my friends. Sometimes a stranger in a quiet room. Their words catch me off guard, but it’s their expression that really stays with me—shocked, annoyed, or even angry. That’s when the panic sets in.

Because I honestly didn’t know I was loud.

And just like that, my confidence disappears. I go silent.

Not because I don’t want to talk, but because I become afraid to speak again.

It happens in classrooms, libraries, late-night conversations. It happens without warning.

Sometimes, I speak so softly that even the person sitting next to me can’t hear.

Other times, I’m too loud without meaning to be.

Without my device, I lose the ability to control my own voice.

And that’s something many people don’t understand.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I want people to understand what it means to speak without hearing yourself.

To be deaf is not just about not hearing others it’s also about not hearing your own voice. And when we can’t hear ourselves, it becomes hard to know how to be part of a conversation.

Please know:

• We’re not being loud on purpose.

• We’re not ignoring the space around us.

• We’re not trying to be disruptive.

We are just trying to communicate in a world where the feedback we need is missing.

And when someone reacts harshly or tells us to adjust, it may seem like a small correction. But for us, it feels like a moment of failure, a reason to go quiet again.

This is what voice control looks like for many deaf and hard-of-hearing people.

It’s fragile. It depends on sound. And without that sound, we need patience, not pressure.

Understanding, not judgment.

Because sometimes, the loudest thing we hear is the silence that follows your reaction.

📚 Behind the Silence: Why This Happens

🔬 Clinical Meaning: Auditory Feedback Loop

Normal hearing individuals constantly monitor their own voice through an auditory feedback loop. This helps them adjust volume, pitch, tone, and articulation while speaking.

For deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals especially when a cochlear implant is off—this feedback loop is disrupted.

Without hearing your own voice, your brain cannot self-regulate speech effectively. This can lead to unintentionally speaking too loudly or too softly.

🧠 Term to know: Auditory Feedback Mechanism

It’s essential for speech control. Without it, voice modulation becomes guesswork.

 

🧠 Psychological Meaning: Communication Anxiety & Self-Monitoring

When someone reacts negatively to your voice (e.g., “Lower your voice”), it can trigger:

• Performance anxiety

• Social withdrawal

• Fear of judgment or rejection

This relates to a concept in psychology called self-monitoring, how we regulate our behavior based on social feedback. For deaf individuals, the lack of auditory cues makes self-monitoring far more stressful.

Psychological impact:

• Fear of “messing up” or speaking “wrong” can create a panic or freeze response

• Repeated corrections can lead to:

  • Low self-confidence

  • Communication avoidance

  • Selective mutism-like behavior in some situations

💬

Understanding these effects helps create a more empathetic, inclusive world one where every voice, even the unheard, is respected.